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One Year Later

On November 8th 2011 I woke up at six AM, even though I had the day off due to election day. I confused all the nurses in the pre-op area with a smile of excitement  This was it the last leg in this nightmare, I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was going to finally find out what was wrong with my L knee, and better yet get it fixed. I will be able to actually straighten it. Yes, that day I smiled as I thought I was going to get my life back.
Leaving the Hospital

One year later on the same day I am so far from the mind set I was on that day, but not in the way I would have hoped. Today I was talking to one of my teachers about my hips (as she also has a fair amount of trouble with her hips) and she commented on how well I was handling everything mentally. It took all my strength not to start laughing and crying at the same time.

I do not know where I am at emotionally at this point in time, but it feels very far from the optimistic girl excited to have knee surgery a year ago. Instead I will try anything to make the pain go away but have faith in nothing. I miss being an optimist, everything is better as a optimist.

My knee scope was a turning point. Originally I thought it was a good one, after all I improved for a while afterwards I even reached full ROM for the first time in over eight months. Now I realize it just marked the beginning of the worst. It was the first surgery, but I know it will not be the last.

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