Skip to main content

No, I'm Not!

Ever get a compliment that you just really feel like you don't deserve? I have had a few of those lately and they seem to highlight some sort of insecurities I have.

I think I already wrote about the time someone told me how well I am handling everything, but at the time I really wasn't. I was about two seconds away from a complete break down. Now even though I am doing better I think I might still feel awkward if someone said that to me.

Another one I hate is when people say "Your so brave for going through this." Wait! You mean I have another choice? If I could avoid the medical mess I currently find myself in I would, but I can't. I would love to not go for blood test monthly or doctors almost weekly, and I definitely would rather not be having surgery in a month. But my body never asked permission before freaking out on me.

The Last one is "You are so responsible," but truth is once again I have no choice. I really think if any other person my age was in my situation, missing as much school as I do on a regular basis they would also quickly become responsible. Also if I forget to do something like take my medication I pay for it later on. Life has forced me to be responsible, I really wish I didn't have to be.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Essentials

RA Warrior is doing a blog carnival about non-medical things that help ease some pain or make life a little easier. I have a few golden product so I have decided to participate.


I probably could not function without my Sun Beam Heat Pad. Most nights I can not choose which joint to use it on first. When I got it last year to calm muscle spasms after knee surgery I did not know how much I would use it. There is even a pad inside that you can dampen so you can use it for moist heat. I got it from Wal-Mart and I don't think it was even $15.
This Teavana Tumbler is actually my favorite thing ever. I use it everyday for both tea and coffee. Even before I had problems with my hands I have always been a naturally clumsy person, and leaky travel mugs might hold up for most but for me they have always been a recipe for disaster. Now throw in a pair of crutches to that equation, as I had to for three months last year, and I needed help to carry the travel mugs, because in my bag they would l…

Left Hip Scope Surgery and Day 1 Post Op

I am home from the hospital from hip surgery number two! I probably wouldn't of stayed over night except my surgery wasn't till 3:30 pm.

The big discussion pre-op was what kind of anesthesia I should get because I got a spinal headache from the spinal block last time. My OS was still adamant that he thought I should avoid the general. I was also really scared about the general because I had been told it meant I would need to be intubated which I did not want.

When I talked to the anesthesiologist he had a very different take on the situation, he said I had a very high risk of getting a spinal headache again because I am above normal height, I am a teenage girl, and I had a spinal headache four months ago. He said if I had a general I may have of miserable night, but that would be compared to three or four miserable days if I got a spinal headache. He also used an IV only version of the anesthesia instead of gas which reduces nausea, plus the fact I do not get nausea from pain…

The Swollen Wrist

This morning I woke up to a red painful swollen wrist. My right wrist was not happy or useable for the better part of the morning. Of course my mom wanted to make a rheumatologist appointment for this week but I really did not think it is worth it. Since I am now in the 2 week period before my hip surgery I can not take anything but Tylenol anyway (no voltaren or fancy cream), so there is not a whole lot that can be done. We finally settled on me going to my GP (for the 2nd time in one week as I had a pre-op appointment with him on Monday), and I took a picture so I can show my rheumy at my next appointment.

I managed to get an appointment at 11AM because my GP was in the office this Saturday. By the time of the appointment my wrist looked pretty normal, although I had the picture so he could see something was up. He had it x-rayed just to rule out any issues non rheumatology related, and as we both guessed the x-rays came out normal.

I was left with the advise to call me rheumy Monda…