Skip to main content

I Am Still Me

In the past two years it seems like my medical issues have become part of my identity. I am the girl always on crutches or limping, the one who doesn't participate in gym. No one asks where I am if I am not it class, they know I was probably at a doctor's appointment or if I come in a period or two late my friends know my shoulders are probably having a bad day so I had to take a bath to get rid of morning stiffness. I am not sure when it happened but people are now more surprised when I can walk then when I can't. 

Sometimes it is really hard for me to move past the medical parts of my life, because it does affect all the others, but it is important that I do. I try to do everything I used to do, which is hard but aside from athletic activities I have done a pretty good job managing. I can't always do everything I want to but I prioritize. 

There are a couple things I refuse to let my health affect. Debate is something I don't let get affected, since I have to commit in advance to a partner and I hate breaking commitments I have managed to go to every single debate I signed up for (even though there were a few I just knew I couldn't handle). Another facet of my life I have not allowed to change it my job. I work at an after school childcare elementary school and while it can be taxing I love it, and I know if there is a sub it affects the students, and I can't bare to do that.
My Best Friend/Debate Partner(right) and Me(left) at State Debate Finals

There are two things that really help me, hope and perspective. (and music never hurts!)

Hope is something I refuse to lose. I have kept it for this long and I am finally seeing progress in my treatment. Voltaren seems to be the answer to my prayers because I have been more pain-free this weekend then it the years before. After all if you do hit rock bottom that only means the only place you can go is up.

Perspective is so important. A year ago today I was on the March of the Living. A year ago today I walked out of Auschwitz, that is am amazing statement. I will never forget that, it will always help me look at life in a more positive manner. I walked out of the place my great-grandparents died because of there religion.

Walking out of Auschwitz
Labels:

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 30, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    Hi Joan, I found your site through RAwarrior's post. You have incredible advice for all of us! If it's okay with you, I'd like to add your site to my blogroll. Let me know. Keep up that great spirit!

    All the best,
    http://rarainbow.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. life with a flareApril 30, 2013 at 3:57 PM

    I am glad you like my blog, I would be honored to be on your blogroll. Can't wait to check your blog out, I really like the name!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 9, 2013 at 1:14 PM

    Great, I added you! :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Swollen Wrist

This morning I woke up to a red painful swollen wrist. My right wrist was not happy or useable for the better part of the morning. Of course my mom wanted to make a rheumatologist appointment for this week but I really did not think it is worth it. Since I am now in the 2 week period before my hip surgery I can not take anything but Tylenol anyway (no voltaren or fancy cream), so there is not a whole lot that can be done. We finally settled on me going to my GP (for the 2nd time in one week as I had a pre-op appointment with him on Monday), and I took a picture so I can show my rheumy at my next appointment. I managed to get an appointment at 11AM because my GP was in the office this Saturday. By the time of the appointment my wrist looked pretty normal, although I had the picture so he could see something was up. He had it x-rayed just to rule out any issues non rheumatology related, and as we both guessed the x-rays came out normal. My Lovely Wrist this Morning I was left wit
Post a Comment
Read more

The Perfect Body?

Today I am going to write about a taboo subject- body image, and how living with chronic illness/pain has affected it. I get told how great my body is a lot, I am tall and fairly skinny. Not to be egotistic but I look pretty good in a bikini. I should love how I look. I should be confident of my body, after all I just bought a pair of size 2 jeans. Yet I still struggle with loving my body. My New Jeans! In middle school I thought my legs were fat, that was when I had muscles from horseback riding, today I miss my muscular legs. My thighs tend to be two different sizes, the left one is almost always smaller. The reason for this is simple, my left quad has atrophied from months of limping and being on crutches when I was 15/16, at one point it was so bad my doctor measured it and the difference was a good 2 cm in circumference. Today they are almost the same size, and probably look the same to anyone else, but to me they still look different. If you haven't guessed it yet,
4 comments
Read more

Spring Break!

Ok so my spring break may not of been the most exciting, as I think I spent more time at PT then anywhere else, but it was nice not to spend the entire time in bed because of pain. In fact my heat pad only came out like once, what is this craziness? PT has been going great since I stopped flaring! As of Wednesday I am doing every exercise I had to stop because of my knees during the flare, plus new exercise. I am finally done doing pillow squeezes and glute sets, I now have very few table exercises. As of next week I am down to only two PT appoints a week instead of three, which means I won't have to go before school anymore! I did do something besides PT this week, I went prom dress shopping! I found a gorgeous blue and white open back gown. I am not going to post a picture until after prom but I love it. It fit perfectly but if I gain an ounce it will be an issue or if my hips choose to swell prom night. I also have amazing shoe, they are silver stilettos and over 3 inches ta
4 comments
Read more